First Class or Class Ass

F*bombs are not born F*bombs. There is some interviewing...some training....some screening. Still... we can't be held responsible for a F*bomb gone wrong. Although, we can definitely laugh about it. Here's a classic.

I can't mention names but her name starts with a "J" and rhymes with "Schmen". I'll just call her Schmen so the story doesn't get confusing.

Schmen was a cool girl. I loved her. I really did. Let me tell you all the reasons why.

1. She was medicated. (I love this about most people)
F*bombs with flaws? Weird. Anyway, Schmen did take her medication just not every day and then she would make up for it all at once. Oooops.

2. She was expressive.
Her random medication schedule would make her do odd things. Cry in class. Bang on people's doors at night. Hit on the gay instructors. Yell down the hall. You know, things you only do on layovers.

3. She used her F*bomb brains and beauty to manipulate men.
One day this little vixen was going to get the ax. Schmen was smart...and rich. Schmen used her F*bomb ways to get one of the instructors to hit on her and then turned him in for sexual harassment. When they went to fire her, she threatened to sue because they were going to fire her after she reported a instructor for sexual harassment. See why I love her?!

4. She was not prejudice against married men.
She found a boyfriend on her training flight. Pilot. Married. Money to buy her things. Love this chick!

5. She was resourceful.
F*bomb wing wearing vixen that needs a little extra cash. What's a girl to do....? The obvious. Get a modeling gig. She got a great one. She was going to be photographed naked. Yep. Love her. Oh yeah, from the backside as a ten year old boy. This is where the no hips comes into play. She took a job as a naked, 10 year old boy for a pedophile magazine!

6. She had willpower that could put Jenny Craig to shame.
For this modeling gig, she has to lose a little weight. She's tiny, but coming to find out, ten year old boys are smaller. I only heard about the diet after her incident. See...this F*bomb fell down a flight of escalator stairs in a very large airport while walking with her Bo. Poor married bo had to miss his next flight because, when she fell she broke her nose and her blood got all over his shirt. He packs shirts like I pack pants...he didn't. So, he goes home and she goes to the hospital for a broken nose, fatigue, dehydration and malnutrition.

7. She was very open-minded.
Closed signs to the hotel pool doesn't stop this F*bomb from showing her treasures to the pilots and fellow f*bombs. Although, I wish she was a little more coordinated. She tosed her naked self off the wall on the way back over and cracked her head. Back to the hospital :(

8. She gives her passengers "First Class Treatment"
This is actually how she finally got fired. Coming to find out, she was flying the Purser (manager) position of a flight. As the new F*bombs came up just prior to landing, they found her a little unruffled and asleep in the jumpseat with an empty wine bottle. So...we don't tell on each other!!!!!!!. Good F*bombs! Instead, they strapped her to her seat to land and threw her in the bathroom during deplaning. Unfortunately, passengers told the agent about what happen during the flight and the agent called a supervisor down to alcohol test her. Coming to find out, she drank a little too much and did a strip show for first class before she passed out. She got fired.

See why I loved this girl!?!