Guarding The Airport

Sometimes a Stew is asked is asked to do the impossible. Pack for six days without knowing where your going, how long you'll be going or even if you'll be going at all. This could be a challenge for most, but coming to find out, I don't pack pants. So... coordinating isn't much of an issue. Besides, F-bombs don't wear clothes on layovers..... Do they?

Seemingly, I spend about a day a week at the airport waiting by my phone for my beloved crew desk to call me to some gate. Domestic....International....it doesn't matter. I'm a stew in waiting.

Here's the deal. The FAA only allows our owner to work us so many hours a day. If it looks like a crew already on a flight is going to go over that their FAA time, the trip needs to be re-crewed. If weather causes a delay and a crew misses their next flight, then someone needs to be there to fill in the gap. That's where the stew in waiting comes in.

I've actually been sent to a gate to replace an entire a crew without knowing where I was going till after they shut the door. That's when I found out all the passengers had been in a four hour delay. Two of those fours hours was spent sitting in the plane. It was then I understood the menacial laugh of the customer service agent as she told me I was purser and shut the door. Bastards.

None the less, most of the time I don't get sent anywhere. I just guard the airport for 4 hours and go home. So.....what do I do for 4 hours at the aiport? Here's a small list:

1. Hands down, my favorite thing to do is to sit in the massage chairs at Brookstone. There is usually 3 of them they you can sit in for 20 minutes each. One hour down, zero dollars spent.

2. Browse the Magazine section in the Hudson News Store. Don't buy them, just read them. Someone is bound the leave the dirty mag you want on the seat. One hour down, zero dollars spent.

3. Get Free Samples from the Candy Store. Two minutes down, Zero dollars spent

4. Get a Make-Over in Sephora. You gotta know, we don't make a whole lot and good skin care is important to the perfect F-bomb. So....no make-up on the way to work to take advantage of all that great product. I often wonder what I would look like as an African American or Asian so I can spend some serious time there. None the less, I'll give this event one hour down, zero dollars spent.


5. Create a Blog. Obviously, I'm no Carrie Bradshaw. Fifteen minutes down, zero dollars spent.


6. Pray in the Chapel (that we aren't your next F-Bombs). Or I might prey....oops I meant pray for Hawaii or some deadhead trip to some silly place with a long layover and work to Argentina. Ok, maybe I'm just there because nobody would go there looking for me. Whatever. Five minutes down, zero dollars spent.

7. Have Text Sex (Thats for you Jim). Done deal. I'm going home.