How Many Flushes Does It Take?!

QUESTION: How Many Flushes Does It Take To Suck An Entire Strip Of Toilet Paper (About The Length Of A 737) Down The Airplane Toilet?!

ANSWER: 5 Flushes! The Fifth Flush Pulled It About Half Way Down The Plane!
CONCLUSION: F*Bombs Are Freakin Scientific Geniuses!

Vegetarian Airport Cuisine

No Red Meat + No Chicken + No Fish + No Eggs + The Airport's Limited Cuisine + 15 min till your flight leaves = A Very Hungry Vegetarian! Don't worry though, your lovely F*Bomb has your back .... well your tummy at least... in this Healthy-Fast-Food Guide!


CHICAGO, IL/O'HARE:
Great American Bagel- B14- Veggie Bagel Sandwiches (Warning! The Veggie Soup contains beef stock)
Quizno's- B11- Veggie Toasted Sandwiches & Salads
WolfGang Puck- B7- Veggie Pizzas & Salads
Chili's- B14- Great Mix of Everything!
Connie's Pizza- C22- Pizza
Reggio's Pizza- C19- Pizza
Salad Works- C19- Salad (Pasta &/or leaf)
Manchu Wok- C19- Spicy Tofu & Noodles
TCBY/Juiceworks- C15- Sweet Tooth

DENVER, CO:
Paradise Bakery & Cafe- C, B Mezz- Veggie Sandwich, Pasta Salad, & Leaf Salad
Cantina- C, B Mezz-
Wolfgang Puck- B Mezz- Veggie Pizzas & Salads
Quizno's- A, B- Veggie Toasted Sand. & Salads
Einstein Bros. Bagel- C- Veggie Bagel Sandwich
Schlotzsky's- A- Veggie Sandwiches, Salads, & Pizza
Ben & Jerry's Icecream- A, B Mezz- Sweet Tooth

SAN FRANCISCO, CA:
San Francisco Soup Co.- 3 Food court- Hummus Wrap, Salad, Pesto Pasta Salad, Tomato Soup
Firewood Cafe- 3 Food court- Pizza
Boudin's Bakery- 3 Food court- Veggie Sandwiches & Salads
Willow Creek Grill- ...details soon...
Jalapeno Mexican Grill- ...details soon...
Max The Greek- ...details soon...

SEATTLE, WA:
Starbucks- Main Terminal (Open 24/7), Central Terminal, A, B (2), C, North Satellite- Yummy!
The Great American Bagel- A, D, North Satellite- Bagel Sandwiches & salads
Kathy Casey Dish D'Lish- Main & Central Terminal- Hummus Sandwich & Greek Salad
La Pisa Cafe- A- Pizza, Panini's, Salad's, Sandwiches
Maki Of Japan- Central Terminal- Veggie Rolls, Tofu & Veggie dish
Chili's- D- Great Mix of Everything!
Manchu Wok- A- Spicy Tofu & Noodles
WolfGang Puck- C- Pizza & Salads (not sure if Veggie Sandwiches sold at this location)
QDoba Grill- Central Terminal- Grilled Veggie or Vegetarian Burritos/Tacos/Salads/Nachos
Pallino Pastaria- Central Terminal- Pizza, Pasta, Sandwich, Salads
Sbarro- B- Pizza & Pasta
Waji's- C-Garden Roll

WASHINGTON, DC/DULLES:
California Tortilla- C22- Veggie Burritos, Tacos
Famous Famiglia- A4- Pizza
Cosi- A7- Sandwiches, Salads, & Pizza
Green Leaf's- B73-
Subway- D14- Sandwiches
Villa Pizza- B23, D23- Pizza

...More Airports Coming Soon.... Any Requests? or Recommendations?!

Proper way to stand as a Flight Attendant

Hong Kong.....a little too long

Second piece of very good advice....do not fly half way around the world with a hangover from hell. Just saying.

I have to leave for work a couple hours before the flight actually leaves. First I have to ride the train to the airport. Fortunately, I managed to find an empty bag in my suitcase that was previously intended for a present but I used it to scare people from sitting next to me on the train. O.k, maybe it was because I was sweating and beginning to hiccup in a threatening manner while holding the bag close to my face. None the less, I found this to be very effective in getting a whole train car to myself.

Next, I have to sit in a pre-flight meeting. I did manage to make it through that but then bolted for the door looking in all directions for the nearest garbage bucket. I made it as far as the elevator in front of my managers office before I needed to hold my mouth shut with my hand. O.k, all better. Off to work.

Let's not talk about work.

Off to Hong Kong. Great city. Settle by the British, this is a very easy Asian city to get around. They all speak great English, the subway is easy to navigate and you can pronounce all the street names! Yeah! Even better, this is a very sleepy city. If your a tourist to this city, don't even bother leaving your hotel room till around 11am. Just plan on staying out late. Nothing opens till later and the city is in full gear well into the night. My favorite Asian city hands down!

Not realizing this, I headed into the city around 9am. Walked around for a long time before I decided I was hungry. Being pretty sick of noodles already, I started looking for hot solid foods. Got to love pictures menus on the wall of restaurants. I headed right for one with lots of pictures.....which....end up being lots of pictures of pigeon done 10 different ways. Yikes. Although, this explais why I watched a man kidnap a pigeon in Union Square of San Francisco. O.k, next restaurant I see, I'm going in no matter what. I will bloom where I'm planted. I turn the corner and like a beacon of light I see a larger poster of "Budweiser" in front of me. This place can't be wrong.

I go inside and about 15 tin tables surround me with 1 person at two of the tables. I order a beer ....... I know what your thinking...I have drinking problems. I think...you should shut up. I show the waiter two pictures of dishes and I ask him which he would choose, to which he responds, "no English". To which I respond, "O si, bueno" Apparently I think the Hong Kong native either speaks English or Spanish. I choose the noodles. You would have given up too. The beer helped.

Anyway, before long my food comes. Halfway through my meal I start to notice my surroundings. Apparently, I was supposed to put my chop sticks in a glass and fill the glass with the pitcher beside it (looked like ice tea), stir my chop sticks in it and throw out the contents into the bowl beside it. Ooooops. I didn't clean my chop sticks. Yikes again. Oh....wait...some people drank the "ice tea". What?!?! I'm so confused. Apparently, this a guys only place. Apparently, they don't have toilet paper in the bathroom which is why it ended up on my table? Hmmmm.

Definition of an F-Bomb

...We Should Get Paid Waaaaaaayyyyyy More.....

Nicoderm Commercial

A Typical F-Bomb on a Four Legged Day.....







(or If the Video Doesn't Start, Click The Link Below)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7MIpyUpEcE

Guarding The Airport

Sometimes a Stew is asked is asked to do the impossible. Pack for six days without knowing where your going, how long you'll be going or even if you'll be going at all. This could be a challenge for most, but coming to find out, I don't pack pants. So... coordinating isn't much of an issue. Besides, F-bombs don't wear clothes on layovers..... Do they?

Seemingly, I spend about a day a week at the airport waiting by my phone for my beloved crew desk to call me to some gate. Domestic....International....it doesn't matter. I'm a stew in waiting.

Here's the deal. The FAA only allows our owner to work us so many hours a day. If it looks like a crew already on a flight is going to go over that their FAA time, the trip needs to be re-crewed. If weather causes a delay and a crew misses their next flight, then someone needs to be there to fill in the gap. That's where the stew in waiting comes in.

I've actually been sent to a gate to replace an entire a crew without knowing where I was going till after they shut the door. That's when I found out all the passengers had been in a four hour delay. Two of those fours hours was spent sitting in the plane. It was then I understood the menacial laugh of the customer service agent as she told me I was purser and shut the door. Bastards.

None the less, most of the time I don't get sent anywhere. I just guard the airport for 4 hours and go home. So.....what do I do for 4 hours at the aiport? Here's a small list:

1. Hands down, my favorite thing to do is to sit in the massage chairs at Brookstone. There is usually 3 of them they you can sit in for 20 minutes each. One hour down, zero dollars spent.

2. Browse the Magazine section in the Hudson News Store. Don't buy them, just read them. Someone is bound the leave the dirty mag you want on the seat. One hour down, zero dollars spent.

3. Get Free Samples from the Candy Store. Two minutes down, Zero dollars spent

4. Get a Make-Over in Sephora. You gotta know, we don't make a whole lot and good skin care is important to the perfect F-bomb. So....no make-up on the way to work to take advantage of all that great product. I often wonder what I would look like as an African American or Asian so I can spend some serious time there. None the less, I'll give this event one hour down, zero dollars spent.


5. Create a Blog. Obviously, I'm no Carrie Bradshaw. Fifteen minutes down, zero dollars spent.


6. Pray in the Chapel (that we aren't your next F-Bombs). Or I might prey....oops I meant pray for Hawaii or some deadhead trip to some silly place with a long layover and work to Argentina. Ok, maybe I'm just there because nobody would go there looking for me. Whatever. Five minutes down, zero dollars spent.

7. Have Text Sex (Thats for you Jim). Done deal. I'm going home.

First Piece of Advice

When going on a trip of any kind, remember to pack pants. (note to self...pack pants)